


Kintsukuroi

by ReginaDiCuoriForti



Category: Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And Steve fucking broke it, Angst, But Rhodey isn't afraid to say "fuck you", Friday is his girl, Hurt/Comfort, It isn't the rogue Avengers, M/M, Not Steve Friendly, Not Team Captain America Friendly, Not fucking friendly, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Science Bros, Science Bros feels, Team Iron Man, Tony Stark always had a heart, Tony has a family, Tony is too forgiving, Tony will rebuild it, but that's okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2018-12-01 09:59:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11484015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReginaDiCuoriForti/pseuds/ReginaDiCuoriForti
Summary: The thing about Tony is….The thing about Tony is he’s built himself up from dirt and gravel. He’s been shoved to the ground, scrapped rocks across his face, burned in the hot sand, suffocated in the void of space, and now frozen in the wilds of Siberia, betrayed. Tony’s been through hell. But that’s the thing about Starks, they never stop getting up. Tony falls and he falls hard and then, he picks himself back up again and again because he can’t do anything else. He rises from the ashes and he learns from the burns.The Accords are no different.Steve sends him a half assed letter and tells him to buck up and come calling, come crawling back. Tony, with the patience of a man who had already stopped breaking who was broken but mending, calmly reads through the letter.And, after he’s done, he burns it. Along with the phone.Or...Where Tony gets the family he actually needs.





	1. Chapter 1

_From the second I was born it seems I had a loaded gun_

_That I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved._

 

* * *

The thing about Tony is….

The thing about Tony is he’s built himself up from dirt and gravel. He’s been shoved into the ground, scrapped rocks across his face, burned in the hot sand. Tony’s been through hell. But that’s the thing about Starks, they never stop getting up. Tony falls and he falls hard and then, he picks himself back up again and again because he _can’t_ do anything else. He rises from the ashes and he learns from the burns.

The Accords are no different.

Steve sends him a half assed letter and a flip phone that burns through Tony’s technological soul and tells him to buck up and come calling, come crawling back. Tony, with the patience of a man who had already stopped breaking who was _broken_ but mending, calmly reads through the letter.

And, after he’s done, he burns it. Along with the phone.

 

* * *

 

It takes him three hours to crawl up to his knees and contact Friday.

His mind is a strangely quiet place for a man who’s just had his life collapse around him. But, this- this isn’t new to him. His life falling apart. So he does what he always does. He gets up. He doesn’t let himself die here, even though he wants to, wants to so bad. Instead, be bucks up, puts some iron in his spine, fire in his belly and goes to work.

He claws his way out of the dead suit _with the chest caved out where Steve had hit him again and again and again until he could almost feel the arc reactor in his skin, cracking, shrapnel crawling_ and wanders around shivering, silent, looking for parts.

It takes him less than fifteen minutes to have a working radio using parts of his crushed phone and various icky Hydra technologies.

The first one he calls is Friday. He could have called Pepper or Rhodey but he knows. Knows Friday is already down a Big Brother and _fuck god he missed Jarvis. Missed his first born in ways that split open his skin and punched its way into his soul. A visceral physical pain starting at the tips of his hair down to his toes_ is sure to be stretching herself much farther than she ever should be for a program so young, to find him.

He punches in the number to the Tower and waits. Friday answers.

“Boss?” he smiles at that lilting irish tone, “Boss is that you? Please be you.”

“Hey Fri,” his voice sounds like gravel, “Come and get me baby girl.”

The relief in her tone is palpable. “Locking onto your coordinates now. On my way, boss.”

Tony sighs and leans back.

“Take your time.”

* * *

 

(They find him passed out against the glass of an empty pod, his fingers blue and his eyelashes frosting over. Smiling.)

* * *

 

No one sees Tony Stark for two months. The public rages, needing someone to put up on the cross, someone to crucify for their fear and with Captain America gone, Tony Stark is the next best option. They stage rallies around his home and boycott his company and try to storm Stark Tower.

What they weren’t expecting was Pepper Fucking Potts.

The first and last time, a protest enters Stark Tower without authorization Pepper Potts comes down personally.

Her eyes are arctic, cold and burning with anger. She stands with her head held high and her shoulders squared ready to take them all on.

“We want Stark! We want Stark! He has to pay for his crimes! Pay for his crimes!”

Pepper Potts walks out in black heels with red bottoms. She sets her feet and sucks in a furious, arctic cold breath and bellows.

“You are on _Stark Property!_ Anyone not willing to leave immediately will be removed!”

“Oh yea? And who's going to remove us?” sneers a woman from the front row. The crowd is fifty people strong but she is Pepper Potts.

“We have a very adequate security staff to do just that.” she says coolly.

“We aren’t leaving until we get Stark!” a man shouts.

“Would you like me to drag him out of his hospital bed? Rip out his ventilation tube and force him to come down here, delirious with fever?” she asks viciously.

The man splutters and Pepper takes one predatory step forward, looking like a force of nature.

“What would you say to him, huh? Would you like me to hold him up on his shattered ankle and listen to you as he took shuttering breaths through his cracked ribs and collapsed lung? You want me to torture him for you? _Is that what you want?_ ”

The man has gone ten shades paler and Pepper is viciously satisfied. Taking a deep breath, she regains herself and looks over the crowd with a steely eye.

“If you’ve come here looking for someone to blame well, I‘ve got bad news for you. The ones to blame aren’t here. The only one here is the man who tried to protect _you._ The man who looked at all the good superheroes were doing and looked at the bad and then looked to _you_ and conceded to your wishes. He did this for _you._ He protected _you._ And now you have the gall to storm his building and demand his testimony as he lay injured from protecting _you?_ ” Her voice has gone shades of incredulous that makes the crowd quiet and look away shame faced.

“Absolutely repugnant.” she sneers and watches as some of them flinch.

She takes a deep breath through her nose and recenters. She notices her hands are shaking lightly and can tell without looking at herself that she is gaunt with worry. But she will not let that stop her from protecting her friend, from  _being_ with him. (She is sick and tired of never being able to save Tony, of never being enough and never  _trying_ enough.) This time will be different.

“Now, if you excuse me, I have a best friend in the hospital and I’d like to be there when he wakes up.”

And with that, Pepper Potts walks away.


	2. Chapter 2

(Pepper _is_ there when he wakes up. She cries and swears vengeance with her skin glowing red on everyone who’s ever hurt him. The board, Ross,  _ the Avengers. _ She swears, with a voice choked with tears that she will make this  _ better. _ But mostly, Tony is just happy she’s there. He’s just happy she’s there and Rhodey’s there and Happy’s there and that they care. That’s all he needs.)

( _ That’s  _ not _ enough for Pepper. She will make Rogers  _ suffer _ she will make them  _ all _ suffer. So help her God, their lives will go up in  _ flames _ and she  _ will  _ set the fire! ) _

_ (Rhodey will make this right, whatever it takes.  _ No one _ gets to do this to his best friend.  _ No one.)

( _ How did Happy let this happen?) _

* * *

 

The first thing Tony does when he wakes up is do what he’s good at. He starts fixing things. He calls Peter Parker and apologizes. Apologizes for putting him in that situation, in that danger, that he’d never thought would happen amongst what he thought were his friends. He’s upset because this kid is fifteen and Tony  _ willingly brought him into danger _ and that’s on  _ him _ and no one else. He can bitch about how Team Cap were supposed to be his friends and how he never thought it would escalate like that but it wouldn’t  _ matter. _ Because he still brought Peter and if that kid had died when Cap dropped a  _ tanker  _ on him  _ what _ was Tony going to say to his Aunt? To the people left behind?

So Tony is  _ sorry _ and for once, he says it with words and not actions. 

Peter listens to him quietly. Hears the tired remorse in his voice, the frustration, the sadness, the defeat but what he hears the loudest is the  _ anger. _

Tony is  _ angry _ at Team Cap,  _ angry _ at their disloyalty, at their intention to hurt, to  _ scar. _ He is  _ angry _ they couldn’t  _ fucking compromise _ but mostly, he is angry at how  _ easy _ it was to tear them apart. A few words on a piece of paper, one man, and a single video and the Avengers Family is over.

Peter can hear this in his voice. The anger.

_ The second stage of grief, _ Peter realizes.

So he listens to Mr.Stark and then sets him straight.

“Mr.Stark,” Peter says firmly, “none of this is your fault.”

“I willingly put you in danger, Spider-kid-!”

“No.” Peter interrupts.

(He realizes he’s angry too. That the Avengers could take such an incredible man and break him. Tony is flawed, the whole  _ world _ know that, but they also know he  _ tries _ but that’s the part no one acknowledges.)

“You did the best you could. You bargained for their safety, you set up deals for them, you  _ fought _ for your family, Mr.Stark, and that is admirable. How it turned out is unfortunate but Team Cap is just as much to blame -if not  _ more _ \- than you are. I know you didn’t want to take me, Mr.Stark. But you were desperate, they  _ made _ you desperate. You made me agree to run at the first hint of a fight and the fact that I didn’t is  _ my _ fault.  _ I’m _ sorry. I thought I could handle it.”

“Peter,” Tony sighs, “You’re fifteen. That kind of decision should never have been in your hands.”

“ _ I know _ , Mr.Stark. But it was and I chose the wrong one.” Peter pauses for a moment and sighs. “Look,” he says softly, “I know saying this won’t make you feel better but I’m  _ glad _ you took me. They weren’t going to let anything get in their way and if  _ I  _  was just an unfortunate casualty what would they thought of  _ you. _ I’m glad you’re okay.”

Tony lets out a shaky sigh over the phone. “A little bit less than okay but getting better. Listen, what I did was still wrong but I understand you’re the responsible type, all accountability and stuff. I also know no matter what I say you won’t stop vigilantying. So, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to tell your Aunt May-”

“Mr.Stark, no!” Peter exclaims.

“Peter, as an adult I  _ can not _ go behind your legal guardians back and put you in danger. And more than cannot I _ will not. _ What if you  _ die, _ Peter? You’d die and she’d never know why. Trust me, Peter, I’ve been through that type of thing, it isn’t any way to spend your life. Don’t do that to her.”

“..Okay.” Peter mummers.

Tony breaths in, relieved. “Okay. Then, with your Aunt’s approval I’d like to update your suit. If you’re going to do this, I want you to be  _ safe _ , okay?”

“...Okay.”

“Okay.” Tony repeats. “Okay. You’re a smart kid, Peter. Smarter than even you realize and more than that you are effortlessly brave and kind. That kind of light doesn’t deserve to be snuffed out early.”

Wildy, Peter wonders if Tony had had the kind of “light” he thought Peter did. Wonders who, exactly, snuffed it out?

* * *

 

Next, Tony gathers his courage and tentatively dials the number for Laura Barton.

“Hello?” she answers gruffly, crying children in the background.

“Laura.” he says softly.

“Tony.” she says sounding pleasantly surprised. “Tony.” she says again as she remembers.

Tony swallows past the lump in his throat and tries again. “Laura, I- I am so sor-”

“Are you alright?” she interrupts.

Tony blinks in surprise.

“What?”

“Are you alright?” she asks again, “I know my piece of shit husband certainly doesn’t pull his punches so, Are you alright?”

“I- yeah, I’m fine. But, Laura, that isn’t important-”

“Of course it’s important.” she interrupts, a bit muffled, like she’s multitasking. “He’s run off and left you with a mess,  _ again. _ ”

Tony doesn’t know what to say to that. So he says nothing at all.

“He-” she pauses, voice softening, background quieting. “He did have a good reason, right?”

Tony clears his throat. “Captain called. He had some information that made it important to Clint to be there.” 

“ _ What _ important information?”

“Laura-”

“ _ What _ information Tony?”

“That I was holding Wanda hostage in the compound.” he rushes out.

Laura says nothing for a long moment.

“Were you?”

“God, Laura,  _ no _ , there was- after- after lagos there were a lot of people unhappy with her and I was- I was just trying to _ protect her _ . If she’d gone out there and had any sort of incident, whether she started it or not, she would be  _ gone. She doesn’t even have a fucking visa. _ ”

“Okay, Tony.” Laura sooths. “You were trying to do the best you could and they misunderstood you. It’s okay..”

“... She put Vision through twenty stories.”

Laura inhales sharply.“That- that- that little witch!” She is almost speechless with anger.

“ _ Laura.” _

“ _ No, _ Tony! She put your- your- your  _ kid _ through  _ twenty stories! _ ”

“Grandkid at most.” Tony interrupts quietly.

“Tony, please. Vision is your son and you know it. And what she did was  _ unacceptable.” _

If there’s one thing she knew, it was children. She knew what it was like to want to do any and everything for your children. Tony had Jarvis for  _ twenty years. _ Jarvis was everything to Tony. A tribute, a friend, a son, a father, all wrapped up into one. To have his image smeared, the being who held bits and pieces of him, injured, must have been heartbreaking. Vision was so new and innocent and fragile. He was still  _ learning _ about humanity and how to even  _ be _ human.

More importantly, Laura has never heard something so  _ ungrateful _ in her life. (He pays Wanda’s bills, buys her clothes, buys everything she needs, provides her this space free of charge and fights his own government for her right to stay. Asking her to stay inside after a major incident was not unreasonable. It wasn’t  _ prison. [For fucks sakes she was cooking dinner with Vision!]) _

Tony shies away from the conversation instead getting it back on track.

“Listen Laura, where you are isn’t safe. Ross is going to come for you guys, it’s only a matter of time. He hasn’t now because I haven’t been answering his calls so he’s in the dark. But after he learns the whole thing you will be in danger and I  _ have _ to answer his calls or even  _ more _ people are in danger. I can - I can get you and the kids set up somewhere else, anywhere you want, just name a place.”

Laura takes a minute and thinks about it. Where the safest place for her children is, where she is needed.

“How about Stark Tower?”

Tony inhales sharply. “Laura you don’t have to-”

“Is it an option?”

“...Yeah, yeah it’s an option. I can send you a jet whenever you want.”

“Good,” Laura says briskly. “Send one of friday, we can be there by the end of the week.”

“I- okay, okay.”

“Good.” Laura smiles, voice warm.

(Laura was also a fixer. She was a fixer that went where she was needed and Tony needed her. She wished she could talk to her husband. Wished she could ask him  _ why _ [ she’s seen the news, she  _ knows _ what he did.] but until then, she will do what she does best. Protect and Defend and Heal. And keep her children  _ safe. _ )

* * *

 

Tony hangs up on Laura and just breaths. He can hear the beat of the heart monitor in his room, the click of Pepper’s heels outside as she argues with the board, and see the wheels of Rhodey’s wheelchair from where he sleeps next to Tony.

Breathing has always been an ordeal for Tony, ever since Afghanistan (The doctor’s say it will only get worse.  _ 30% total lung capacity decrease. _ ) But it’s worse now for completely unrelated problems.

Tony can’t relax until he’s fixed this, until everything is  _ right _ again.

Taking a deep breath, Tony picks up his phone and dials another number.

“ _ Ross _ .” The voice barks.

Tony takes a deep breath and starts again.

He will fix this.

* * *

 

_ "...in recent news, Billionaire Tony Stark has not been seen since the self proclaimed "Civil War". Pepper Potts is barring entrance which leaves the question of just what happened to our local billionaire?" _

Clint cuts the TV off with a rude sound, languishing on T'Challa's plush couches. Above him, behind the couches, Wanda sneers.

"Drama Queen."

Clint snorts and Sam rolls his eyes.

(But Steve just stares on,  _wondering._ )


	3. Note

Hi! So this isn't an update. Unfortunately my computer has gone out of commission taking with it your completed chapter. However, do not fear! There are still public computers so I think I will be able to grind a chapter or two out sometime in the next three weeks! For those of you waiting patiently, thank you for your support! And for those of you who commented and messaged, thanks for your concern and enthusiasm!

 

See you in a bit!

Regina


	4. Dazed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People care. Tony is surprised.  
> (Only took me like two weeks but through the use of library computers I have here, your chapter!)

_Recap:_ __

_ Tony can’t relax until he’s fixed this, until everything is  right again. _

_ Taking a deep breath, Tony picks up his phone and dials another number. _

_ “ Ross .” The voice barks. _

_ Tony takes a deep breath and starts again. _

_ He will fix this. _

* * *

 

Tony lets a salacious smile curve up his lips. ( _He’s Tony Stark. He’s Tony Stark. He’s Tony_ Fucking _Stark.)_

“General Ross,” he purrs, “You don’t write, you don’t call, what _are_ you doing without me?”

Ross snarls over the line. “ _Stark!_ You have some nerve calling me up after ignoring me for months! I could have you arrested for such insolence!”

“Now now, hold your horses. Can’t arrest a man on his sick bed, can you? _So_ sorry for the unfortunate loss in communication but you know how it is, healing and all.” Tony waves it away absently, heart pounding. (Here comes the hard part) “Now whatever did you need?”

Ross snorts. “The council demands your testimony of what happened in Siberia. I _personally_ demand to know why you let those rogues go free! You realize aiding and abetting makes you a criminal too? I wonder what the council would think about this? Iron Man a criminal? And they will find out just that if you don’t-”

“ _Hold your horses, Ross._ You seem to have forgotten who you’re talking to.” Tony warns. Take the bait, you son of a bitch.

“I know _exactly_ who I’m talking to. A selfish, stuck up, billionaire brat and a _criminal!_ ”

Tony smiles sharply, humming. Hook, line and sinker. “Nope! You’ve definitely forgotten! See, I’m _Tony Fucking Stark_ you don’t make demands of _me_ , Ross. You make _requests_ and maybe I’ll get back to you in seven to ten business years. Remember your place Ross. You think the council will arrest me- for something I didn’t even do by the way? No, no, no, I think they’ll arrest _you_ . I mean you did just about violate every human right in the book. Illegally detained powered beings which is _against the law_ and unlawfully jump the chain of command which led to the deaths of at least twenty people because of your reckless orders. Lucky for you, Rogers ducked out so he’s taking the blame. No Ross, I think _you_ should watch out. I mean I am a - what did you say again? A selfish, stuck up, billionaire brat? Not to mention, I’m so _damn_ careless, right?”

“Now you listen to me Stark-!”

Tony leaned forward, voice getting deep and menacing. No more fucking around. “No Ross, you listen to _me_. Threaten me or my people again and I will bury you so deep that nobody will ever find you. Not even your daughter. Betty, is it? How’s she doing again?”

“Don’t threaten my dau-!”

Tony snorts. “Like I have to. Not like she cares about you, isn’t that right, Ross?” Tony smirks at the silence. “ Look, I’m just trying to be a good guy here, so I’ll put it in plain terms. _Behave_ or _disappear._ ”

_Click._

* * *

 

“Tony, get your dumb ass out here!” Rhodey calls. He’s in the common room of the Tower, wavering on his crutches.

Tony comes down the hallway typing on his phone. He’s dressed in a comfortable pair of sweats and a washed out long sleeved shirt with sleeves that keep falling over his fingers. Irritated, he pulls them back and keeps typing. “I have reasonable evidence to suggest that my ass is thicc, not dumb. But thanks though.”

“Please never speak those words to me again.”

“You started it.”

“Aaaaand I’m ending it. Right here. Right now. See this? This is me, ending that train of thought. Okay? Okay.”

“Okay, alright, you brought it up.” Tony holds up his hands in surrender. The room is quiet for a moment.

“ _Thicc.”_

“OMG, I hate you. It’s officially confirmed. I hate you.” Rhodey groans.

Tony snorts and plops down on the couch still typing. “Yeah, yeah. Shut up and have a seat, peg leg.”

“Fight me.”

“Put on a suit, Pegs, and I will.” Tony grins but he’s got the strangest sense of Deja Vu. “What did you want anyway?”

“Right.” Rhodey clears his throat, straightening out his face. Tony groans, throwing himself down on the couch.

“Nooooooooo. That’s your ‘we’re going to talk about feelings’ face. I hate that face.”

“Live with it.” Rhodey says, hopping over to the couch. He sits down next to Tony’s sprawled form. “Child.”

“ _Adult._ ”

Rhodey nods. “Fair enough. Kay, let’s talk about feelings. So, Tones, my man, you’ve had a rough decade, how do you feel?”

Fuck has it really been a decade?

“Fuck,”  Tony mutters, “Fine. I feel fine.”

Rhodey nods. “Cool. Try again.”

Tony sighs. Not this shit again. “Rhodey.”

“Try. Again.”

“Fuck, fine. I feel like shit. My joints ache. I haven’t had sex in months. My chest aches and my knees crack. I’m up shit creak with the entire world, and oh, one of my best friends tried to kill me a few monts ago and became a fugitive. And then, of course, because life isn’t shitty enough, I find out his “End of the _fucking_ line” killed my _mom._ My _mom._ ”

Rhodey’s silent for a moment, nodding along. Then he says,

“You know. I never liked Roges.”

“Rhodey, come on.”

“Just listen to me,” Rhodey insists. “I haven’t liked him since you showed me that Helicarrier footage where he got all in your face. I get that it was Loki’s influence but he was ready to go toe to toe with you in seconds. He’s never really appreciated you, never said thank you for spending so much on him because he’s got this idea that because you’re rich it just _doesn’t matter_. I hated it. I hated all of it. I hated how he’d screw up in the field and you’d cover for him and get your ass blasted by the loudest fucker in history for it. I hated it, Tones. I hated all of it. Hated all of them.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you loved them. And when you love, Tones, you love so fucking fiercely, so goddamn hard, right up until the point they break your heart and then some.”

“I think you’re overestimating me, Rhodes. I’m careless Rhodes.” Tony says with a wry smirk.

Rhodey shakes his head. “No. I’m not. You’re _carefree_ and yeah, forgetful of the little shit like birthdays and events. But when we need you, like _really need you_ , you’re there. That’s how I know. I know cause you love me that way. You love Pepper that way and Happy.”

Rhodey sighs. “You loved Obie that way too.”

Tony stiffens.

“Rhodes.”

“Yeah, I know. But Tones, you loved them so fiercely and so completely, they did no wrong to you. To others, yeah, you could ream them out for it. Like the time Wanda snorted at my military title and called me a killer and you took away the money you gave her and Friday stopped responding to her. But for you, Tony? You won’t do shit for yourself when you love someone. So I didn’t say anything. And you know what Tones?”

Rhodey turns to him, eyes ablaze and mouth determined. “That wasn’t _right_. I won’t ever do that to you again. I care about you and I should fucking show it. So, from now on, be prepared for that, alright? I’m not letting you think we don’t love you. Not anymore.”

Rhodey stands. Tony looks at him.

“Feelings talk over.”

He walks away,

Tony doesn’t know what to do with that. So, he goes back to what he regularly does and hopes for no more shocks of the day.

* * *

 

But then.

Harley calls.

Tony is sort of bewildered. One, he did _not_ give the kid his number (he gave it to his mom). Two, he was sure the kid was done with him. A damn good adventure and an upgraded garage, what more could a kid want?

But, apparently, according to Harley, the kid had taken some sort of responsibility for his wellbeing. Forcefully.

Tony sighs for the umpteenth time. “ _Harley-_ ”

“Don’t you _Harley_ **me** , Mechanic!” the kid snarls back. “You promised me you were getting better! That you would be fine! And I believed you! But then, next thing I know, I hear you’ve gotten your ass handed to you by the King of Douchenozzleness and that you’ve been hospitalized and _no one’s seen you for two months!_ ”

Woah, did the kid take thundering lessons from Thor?

“Listen, Tony,” The kid continues, voice softer. “You’ve got a damn serious case of PTSD. New York was bad, but that was before I met you. But then there was Sokovia and I was _going_ to call you. I _knew_ that had to have gotten worse or something. But my mom wouldn’t give up that phone number for anything less than the apocalypse, but _now_ ? Fuck the apocalypse! You’re having a fucking breakdown and I’ll be _damned_ if I’m not there!” Harley takes a deep breath. Tony is speechless. “So, dumb Mechanic, Mom, sis and I are moving to New York. Have a room ready for us in three days.”

Harley hangs up with a firm click. Tony is still speechless. He doesn’t know how to feel about it. But then he does the unthinkable. He blushes.

“Bossy little brat isn’t he?” he mutters with a fond smile, trying to rub the red out of his cheeks.

* * *

 

Tony spends the next few days either in his office (which has never gotten so much use) or hammering away in the Lab. Pepper and Rhodey have tasked themselves with dragging him out at regular intervals for coffee refuels and food(pointless) while Happy has made it his business to make sure Tony has down time. (They watch Disney films because that’s all Happy can think of that won’t trigger Tony’s PTSD. Tony is tempted by the fifth inspirational viewing of Mulan to mention Jar- _Friday_ can make suggestions but Happy is so anxiously happy to be helping he just curls up in the corner couch and listens. It isn’t so bad.)

He spreads his attention over a variety of things. He needs to get rid of Ross _yesterday_ no, scratch that, _fucking years ago_ and maybe if he does Brucey will come back ( _don’t be mad, please don’t be mad)_ , he’s got to prepare rooms for the Minion Family and the Little Agent Family and find suitable schools for both. Harley’s Mom and Laura both need jobs (Tony’s thinking Laura could be his bodyguard. He knows she’s got serious moves. He’s thinking that Ms.Kenner could be his new secretary. She’s certainly got the attitude to wrangle him like Pepper.), the Accords are still _happening_ and people are still mad, and he’s got a world full of young supers who need protection and guidance and he has to find a way to give that like _now_ , and then there’s Team Rogers and Zombie Robot and Wakanda and-

“Tony? Are you okay?” Tony blinks up at Pepper’s worried face. She leans over his seat on the couch with a hand on his shoulder. Wonder when she got here.

Tony smiles. “Yeah, Pep, I’m fine. Just thinking.”

She takes a seat next to him. “About what?”

“Just, all the stuff I gotta do, with Ross, and the Kenner family, and the Bartons and the Accords-”

“Tony,” Pepper sighs and gathers his hands in hers. “You’re such a genius, such an independant man that I think sometimes you forget you have friends.”

She smiles watery at him. “I can take care of Accords, Rhodey can hold down Ross for now and Happy’s a resourceful guy, you know? He can keep an eye on the Kenners and the Bartons. So just, relax okay?”

“Pep, I couldn’t ask you guys to do all that! I-”

She pats his hands and smiles again. “Well that’s the good thing about friends, right? You don’t have to ask.”

 _You don’t have to ask._ Tony is dazed.

“Now,” Pepper stands, taking him with her. “Let’s get you off to bed.”

Tony is still dazed when he’s ushered off to his room. He’s still dazed when he’s tucked into bed and he’s still dazed when the lights shut off and he’s surrounded by darkness. Tony doesn’t know what to do with this. He’s never had so many people care at one time. First, Rhodey with his feelings talk and then Harley and Spidey and Pepper and Happy and even Laura fucking Barton. He doesn’t - he can’t - he doesn’t know what to do with this. He doesn’t understand not having to ask for help, he doesn’t understand people looking out for him.

(“ _You don’t have to ask.” But he always had to. With Cap and the others. He always had to ask. Ask for help, for their time, appreciation, a_ thank you _. He always had to ask. Why did he always have to ask?)_

Tony goes to sleep. And if there are tears on his pillows, well, no one has to know.


	5. Progression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I FINALLY got my computer back after four months without it! I'd been trying to write it on a tablet but its so hard for me to do proper edits on a tablet :( Anyway! Enjoy!

No listen, Darcy'd been legitimately minding her own business. No bullshit, she was legitimately minding her own business.She was on her way to deliver a hot latte and some papers to Jane, being a real intern for once, when she passed by a Stark industries building and saw the crowd. She can tell instantly that it’s a Cap Crowd. She can tell because they’re passionate and _violent._ Waving around red, white and blue and screaming in people’s faces, shoving even each other. (The Iron Man crowds never act like that. They are solemn and quietly supportive. Their hero is down and they don’t want to make it worse. The Cap Crowd has no such reservations.)

They are screaming on inches away from the steps of Stark Tower (they do not _dare_ cross that first step. They do not dare.) Hateful, awful things about Stark getting what he deserved, about Captain America being a national hero (who cares who he’s killed to get his way?) about Stark’s past, awful, _awful_ things.

But.

That isn’t what gets Darcy.

It’s the news coverage. It’s the cocky, slimy, fucking reporter she can see from here, with a satisfied smile up to his ears, interviewing and feeding the crowd.

He leans the mic down to another protester.

“And how do you, sir, feel about Tony Stark’s refusal to show his face in public? Cowardice?”

“Of course!” the other man spits, face upturned in a sneer. “He’s avoiding his mistakes like he always does! We all know Cap was right and Iron Man was on the wrong side and he knows it. He wants us all tagged like dogs under government control!”

The reporter nods emphatically. “Yes, yes of course. And your feelings on Tony Stark being a hero at all? I mean he is an alcoholic, a womanizer and a civilian.”

The other man opens his mouth again.

Darcy can't help herself, she's not going to let some two bit reporter looking for his six seconds of fame bash _her_ superhero!

Darcy doesn't waste another second, she drops the latte and stalks up to the reporter, shoving Cappies out of her way and rips the mike out his Captain America loving hands and starts speaking.

“Okay listen, Iron Man is my hero. You know why?” Darcy takes a deep breath shoving the reporter back with one hand. “It's because he's a fuck up. He's a fuck up and I'm a fuck up and were all _fuck ups._ He's _human_ and that's - that's incredibly inspiring. Because he's just like me, he's just like all of us. And yeah, there are some differences. He lives in a big fancy tower and he's a billionaire and -” Darcy gets frustrated, fumbling with her words.

“But he also likes cheeseburgers, and compliments drawings from little kids, and calls his best friend honey bun, and plays catch with his robot sons, he's, he's more than the money figure he makes okay? More than sex scandals in the news, more than _Tony fucking Stark_ . And yeah, he isn't perfect, but I _like_ that he isn't perfect. I like that he fucks up and strives to be better. That he makes the decision every day to _try_ to be better even when it gets hard. It makes me feel- it makes me feel,”

Darcy blushes. “It makes me feel like I could be that way to, you know? Flawed and fucked up but constantly _trying_ to be better. He gives me hope. So no, I don't need some perfect  pinnacle of human _experimentation_ as my super hero. Instead, I'd take Iron Man any day.”

She smiles wide and looks straight into the camera. “Tony Stark is my superhero.”

#TonyStarkIsMySuperHero is trending in a matter of seconds.

(Now how long will it take Tony Stark himself to notice?)

 

* * *

 

Rhodey is there to meet Harley when he arrives. (He thinks it’s probably because Tony’s afraid.) Rhodey watches as Harley yanks himself out of a taxi, tumbles out with all the fifteen year old fury possible. He doesn’t pause, doesn’t wait for him mom or his sis, just pops the trunk, rips out his suitcase and stalks up to Rhodey.

Rhodey is a little impressed, if only because he never knew such a small package could contains such permanently burning rage. (He should have known. There is Tony.)

Rhodey is still rolling around in his wheelchair but Harley doesn’t give a damn. He doesn’t lean down, doesn’t even try to make it look like Rhodey needs any sort of delicacy. Rhodey respects this. He shoves his suitcase into Rhodey’s chest like a pointed threat and bares his teeth in a smile.

“Where’s Tony?”

Rhodey smiles. “Tony is currently hiding from you in the common lounge.”

Harley relaxes just so, tense posturing turning into regular teenage angst. “He can’t hide from me,” Harley mutters as he stalks past. “ _We’re connected._ ”

 

* * *

 

Tony is making coffee in the commons (because he’s fucking lonely okay? Get off his back)  when he gets the worst feeling. Like, like _hell_ is coming for him. He has to set down his coffee.

“Friday?”

“Yes Boss?”

“There isn’t anything I should be.. Concerned about right? No apocalypse at my doorstep or anything?”

“Of course not Boss.” Friday reassures him. Tony picks up his coffee again. Of course not. Right. Of course not.

“..But I find it prudent to mention that young Harley has just arrived and is on his way to see you.”

Tony drops his coffee. It spills down the counter unheaded.

“...Fuck.”

“Mechanic~! Oh, Mechanic~! You can’t hide from me, Tony! We’re _connected._ ”

Tony won't lie, he tried to hide. He rounds the counter and is on his way to hide behind the couches like some kind of child. But before he can, Harley skids across the corner and throws himself at Tony. Tony barely has any time to take the kid in. (What is Harley? Fifteen, he's so _tall_ now, taller than Tony and thicker, more filled out, like he's been eating right. Tony is glad.)

Tony catches him because what _else_ do you do when a child hurls himself through the air at you? You gotta take the hit. Unfortunately, Tony has the stability of the fifty year old man he is and isn't surprised in the least when he falls with Harley. Harley rolls off him with a vicious smirk.

“Kid,” Tony grunts, “heart condition.”

Harley props himself up next to Tony and mocks him.

“I'm Tony Stark, I have a heart condition that I don't even take care of. And on top of that, I don't tell important people when I'm almost brutally _fucking_ murdered. Blah, blah, blah.”

“Language.” Tony admonishes. (He has the oddest, slimiest sense of dejavu.)

“I will literally end you if you lecture me right now.”

Harley looks Tony in the eye and gets serious. “So, what the hell?”

Tony leans back with a frustrated groan, thumping his head on the cold kitchen floor. “Kid,” he’s sick and tired of constantly explaining his bad choices to everyone. He’s Tony Stark, bad choices are what he does. Believe him, he’s _tried_ to make better ones, but something in his brain is just wired for the stupidest, most self-destructive thing he could do.

Harley pulls back his snarl if only barely. Instead he takes a deep breath and leans back like Tony until they're lying side by side, flat on their backs, on the cold kitchen floor just _thinking_. It's silent for a moment.

“I'm mad at you,” Harley says suddenly. “I'm mad because all this fucked up shit keeps happening over and over again and I look at you and I feel like you haven't taken a breath since Tennessee. I feel like you haven't taken a moment and rested since you slept on my garage floor after spending all night explaining to me how the Iron Man suit works. Since your rebuilt my little sister’s watch and added pink fluorescent glowing sparkles.  I'm mad because none of this is your fault and it just _keeps fucking happening to you._ ”

Tony sighs next to him. Harley bites his lip to keep the tears back and instead keeps looking up at the stark white ceiling in silence. Tony remembers feeling that way. When all the bad shit in the world kept happening one after another and he couldn’t fucking _breath._ When Howard would hit and never stop and always sneer and yell and _hate_. And all Tony could do was take it and survive. All his mom could do was take it and survive. He gets it. He really, really does. So Tony breaks the silence for him.

“You know, when I was a kid, my mom used to make this dessert. This Italian Panna Cotta. It was the only thing we could make together because it had like four ingredients and no matter how much of a genius I am there's no way I should be let near an oven. She only made it when Howard would be gone for weeks on end on some dumb business trip so we could take our time savoring it, savoring the good moment. And then Howard would come back and start drinking, and shouting and hitting and I used to get so mad. I didn't understand why the bad things kept happening, why it happened over and over again.”

Harley hears more than sees Tony turn towards him. “And I remember one time I asked her. I asked her about all of it, about why she stayed with him, why she accepted that treatment, why everything! She told me some stuff, a lot about how Howard used to be an how he is now, and how _I’m_ there so of course she’d stay. But what she said after, after I asked her how to make the bad _stop.”_

Tony paused. He’d never talked about this with anyone, never even remembered it to often really. But there was something about Harley that reminded him about himself. It was the same thing with Peter. There was a wave link his brain worked on and it was like they were inches away from it. No one had ever been that close.

Harley looks over, because he can't not and Tony has this smile on his face. Far away in the memory but also so present and focused and soft.

“She said that the world keeps on turning and people keep on suffering but it's what you do in those bad moments, in those times of suffering that make all the difference. We make Panna Cotta during the bad times, and we laugh and in our suffering we find joy and happiness and strength. We push through and we never stop, never stop moving forward because yes, it's bad now but nothing in the rule books says it can't get better. The past is the past, it is what it is and what it will always be. The future holds our hopes, all of our possibilities and dreams. But the present holds our resolve, our need to keep pushing and changing and overcoming it is through the present _what we do right now_ that shapes our future. So for now, for the present she said, we will make Panna Cotta and you will always burn the first try and we will laugh and you will invent something brand new and learn and grow, and we will keep pushing through the bad things, savoring every moment of the good.”

Tony huffs and ruffles his hair. “The bad is going to keep happening Harley, but as long as we keep moving, keep laughing and enjoying life, well, nothing in the rule book says it has to stay bad.”

Tony sighs and looks back up at the ceiling. “The Avengers screwed me over. They screwed over a lot of people and hurt a lot of people and yes, that includes me and yeah, I’m sad right now, okay? I said it, I’m not okay. But nothing says it has to _stay that way._ I don’t have to stay not okay, we don’t have to keep suffering, things can get _better,_ they will get better. So, just, I don’t know, just keep swimming.”

Harley can't help it, his lips tilt up into a little smile. Just keep moving and pushing and enjoying life, huh? He could do that. He could make sure _Tony_ did that. It was the small things right?  He looks over at Tony and grins.

“Just keep swimming, huh?”

“You're a menace and I regret you.”

“No you don't. You know why? Because -”

“Yeah yeah, because we're connected kid. I got it.”

“Good, because it isn't changing.”

“I wouldn't have it any other way, Harley.”

 

* * *

 

Tony knows he isn’t prepared for Laura. Tony did not know how unprepared for Laura he was. He remembered Laura mostly as Clint’s wife, soft and with child. Open and giving.

He’d forgotten Special Agent Lauren Blackwood.

So yeah, Laura pulls up to the Tower, with a hoard of children as expected. But she also pulls up in baggy camo cargo pants, a leather jacket, and sunglasses. The Barton minions are dressed similarly, all looking very serious.

The kids get out and immediately go for their luggage. Laura watches with a keen eye. Once every kid has a bag they turn to her.

“Surround!” she commands.

The kids swarm her. Cooper stands next to Lila on the right side of Laura slightly behind her, keeping her a little bit behind him, holding one of her hands. In Lila’s other hand is a small baton, she’s clutching with deadly force. Laura, of course, holds badass little Nate in her arms who looks surprisingly condescending with sunglasses on.

Tony watches with one eyebrow raised above his sunglasses.

“Impressive,” he comments.

Laura breaks out into rakish grin.”You should see them attack,” she says. Then, with a smile, “Tony!” she hugs him, squeezing him tight.

“Laura,” he lets out, slightly strangled. He looks over her shoulder at the kids. “Minions.” he greets.

“Uncle Tony,” they reply with a nod.

Wow, not even going there. Not at all, that’s a title he refuses to acknowledge no matter how forced.

“...Okay then!” he claps his hands. “Let’s get you all settled in!” He beckons them forwards towards the elevator.

He gets them into the elevator before he starts jittering with nerves. It’s embarrassing, the way his leg jumps up and down and he cant stop shifting but he _can’t stop_ so.

“So, the Blackwood family has their own floor. Lila and Copper have separate rooms and so does Baby Nate. Laura you have the mater suite with a whirlpool tub, a four person shower and a double queen size bed. There’s a rec room up there and a swimming pool and a bunch of other stuff! And-”

“Tony,” Laura gently places her hand on his arm. Looking weirdly soft with the leather jacket and camo pants combination. “We are so thankful but you didn’t have to do all this. We would have been glad for a single guest room for all of us!”

Tony scuffed his food along the ground. He can’t help but feel like a little kid with Laura, she’s got that weirdly powerful mother aura. “I know,” he says, rolling his eyes a little, “I’m Tony Stark. I know all you need is one room. But I’m not giving you what you _need_ , I’m giving you what you _deserve_ and even with that I’m doing a bad job. You guys deserve so much and-” his cheeks go embarrassingly red. God, what is wrong with him today? So many feelings. He feels like a shy little kid! “I just want to give that to you.”

Laura smiles softly. “Thank you Tony. Hey, how about I make dinner tonight? I know you guys have a common room so how about it?”

“I mean if you want to-”

“Great!” Laura starts unstrapping Baby Nate from his weird, baby capturing and holding device.

Tony furrows his eyebrows. “What are you-?”

Then, Laura hands him a baby. A living breathing micro human being. A tiny person. A _living_ person, one tenth his size. Fuck.

“Of course you’ll help with child-rearing won’t you Tony? Afterall, dinner takes an awful long time so would it be okay if the kids stay with you?”

“I have no children safe activities.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something!”

Fuck.

(Laura’s first gift is trust.)

 

* * *

 

Rhodey has come to the conclusion that Tony is about as emotionally as fragile as a baby bird right now. Rhodey hasn’t seen it happen since Jarvis died, but when he did it was bad. All of Tony’s emotional shields just collapsed. He had nothing to defend himself.

He was sensitive to others, emotional, and so very fucking fragile.

Rhodey found himself defending Tony from everyone. Because a Tony with his shields down is so shamelessly giving and naive, so emotionally open and vulnerable. Willing to do anything for anybody without thinking if they deserve it or not or if they’ll hurt him or not.

Tony’s there right now. Rhodey can tell. He’s like an exposed wound right now. Civil War ripped off his just healing scab and exposed what was underneath the hard shell. He is so softly tired and emotionally open it makes Rhodey anxious. People would use this against him, to find out things he’d never want them to know.

Rhodey is so anxious about it, so worried. So he rolls around in his wheelchair and watches everyone who comes in the Tower doors, everyone Tony talks to. He live streams Tony’s talk with Harley. It isn’t right. He knows it isn’t. It’s a shitty thing to do but he was right. Tony is talking about things he’d never usually talk about.

Rhodey has to make sure he stays safe.

(Rhodey is so afraid and so terrified because the last time Tony let people in, even with his shields up they almost destroyed him, almost completely demolished him. He is afraid for this Tony who smiles and cries and speaks from his crippled heart. He is so afraid.)

 

* * *

 

A pressurized hiss. The slow relaxation of ice on skin. A gasping, shuddering breath, deep and surprised.

He gasps, falling out onto the floor. Dark hair hanging in strings, vomiting and _alone._ He shouldn't be alone, he doesn't know why, but he knows he shouldn't be _alone._

_Ready to- I need to- soldat- I am- I am the Wi - I am Buc - wrong -wrong -WRONGWRONGWRONG_

_Think._

Nothing feels right he doesn't know who he is, whose skin he's in. It feels clammy and stretched thin and _wrong_ . Who is he? The Winter Soldier or Bucky Barnes?  Is he the killer? The monster you whisper to your kids about at night. The monster who destroyed airport? The monster at Siberia?( _December 16th, 1991...)_

Or is he that charming boy from the 40's? With a wicked smirk and a best friend named Stevie? ( _TIll the end of the line?)_

He didn't _want_ to be the monster. But he'd done those things. It wasn't his mind but it was his hands. He had the skills. He could do it again. He could be the Winter Soldier again.  But he also had the memories. He remembered being Bucky Barnes. He remembered his sisters and his ma and Stevie and _war._ He remembers it all. But he couldn't be Bucky Barnes again.

So what now? Who was he?

Both.

Neither.

Well, if he was both and he was neither, then he was new.  He got to _choose._

(And so, James Barnes is reborn with a gasping breath and a crushing despair, straight from the ashes of his mistakes.)

  
  
  
  
  



	6. Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let y'alllll know! Jane is mentioned here and she's extremely OOC for reasons that will be explained....

Peter picked the wrong time to stop by. He’s actually kind of upset that Friday let him walk into this madness with no warning, just a pleasant “Good afternoon Mr. Parker,” and the elevator swiftly plunging into the basement level. Peter enters the lab doors, jolly, happy, and expecting Tony to be alone on another one of his awesome invention binges- and instead has to stop in his tracks.

There’s Tony, juggling a toddler to his chest, bouncing in that weird way parents do to sooth the infant (totally unnecessary Baby Barton is shrieking in joy.) he’s bent over a lab table that another boy is seated at, older, maybe fourteen, and pointing at a piece of paper and talking. Behind him there’s a girl, slightly younger than the oldest boy, gently pressing the nozzles of a flamethrower. As Peter watches, she presses down hard on one of the buttons and flames shot out five feet. Tony doesn’t even flinch, just waves a hand backwards at her to cut it out. The flames die and she starts taking it apart carefully and meticulously. Across the room from her is another boy, this one with sandy blonde hair, looking almost the same age as the other boy, maybe a touch older or younger, Peter could never tell, clearly building something Peter definitely wants to get in on.

“Woah Mr.Stark did you clone yourself some kids?”

Tony turns around with a smile. “Peter!” he waves Peter over, “Great, you’re here, take over. Baby Barton needs a diaper change but bigger Barton needs help with his calculus homework.”

Tony basically throws him into the seat next to the dark haired boy and runs away. Not awkward at all. Peter tries to smile.

“I’m guessing you’re bigger Barton?”

The boy turns towards him with a smile. He puts down his pencil and holds his handout for a handshake. “Cooper,” he says.

Peter takes it. “Peter. Peter Parker. So, what’s this I hear about calculus?”

Cooper scratches his head with a frustrated groan. “They’re tryin’ ta’ teach us somethin’ about how ta’ find the derivatives of integrals. And somethin’ bout it just ain’t clickin’.”

Peter turns the paper towards him and scans it over. It grows silent as he looks over it so he says something to fill the silence.

“Interesting accent you got there.”

Cooper shoots him a rueful grin. “My ma hates it. I can talk proper though.” he clears his throat and sits up straight. “I can talk very properly. I just much prefer to drop the end of some of the words. It’s a much more relaxed way of speaking. This feels stiff.” He wrinkles his nose in distaste and relaxes. “ ‘S southern. Ma and my siblings used ta’ live out in the country in Iowa. I’m the only one with the accent though. Baby Nate’s to young and Lila says she’s to sophisticated or somethin’.”

“I am.” The girl with the flamethrower says.

“Yeah whatever,” Cooper rolls his eyes and smiles crookedly at Peter.

Peter blushes and he doesn’t know why. “Cool, so your mistake is here. You’re forgetting to raise the power of the fx...”

Peter and Cooper go on for a while debating calculus and working through the problems.

When Tony comes back ten minutes later, he’s sweaty and windswept but holding a clean, nice smelling baby. “Oh good,” he says, “You’re getting along. Good, there was a 33% possibility you’d all kill each other and burn down the lab. Anyway, Minions, Spider-boy. Spider-boy, Cooper, who you’ve already met.” He points to the girl, “Lila.” She waves with a small smile. “Baby Nate.” Tony bounces the baby in his arms. “And the original Minion, Harley Kenner.” he gestures over to the sandy haired boy in the corner who raises a hand a waves absentmindedly, back still turned.

Peter shoots up, suddenly remembering why he’s here. “Tony! I told my Aunt!”

Peter doesn’t want to say that Tony deflates necessarily, but he’s definitely expecting bad news. “Alright, lay it on me, Kid.”

“So,” Peter sighs as he sits back down on one of Tony's lab chairs. “Aunt May said if I ever did anything like this ever again, I'd be grounded until the end of time. As it is, I'm grounded for six months but!” Peter breaks out into a wide smile. “I can keep superheroing, as long as you help me!”

“As long as I help you?” Tony is suspicious, he’d been expecting something much more along the lines of “Stay away from my nephew!”

“Yeah! I told her about what I used to do before and all the new gear you’d designed me like Karen and the wings and the parachute and she thinks it’s a lot safer with you! I mean, it took like, three days of constant dogging and some help from MJ and Ned but that’s what she ultimately decided!”

“...Oh.”Tony looks a little shaken.

“But she’d still like to talk to you later though. She asked if you could call her around nine.”

“Sure,” Tony is dazed.

Peter pauses and looks around. “So what’s going on today?”

Tony perks up. “Cooper there is working on his calculus until he graduates to a hands on lesson about advanced physics and maybe a sprinkle of time travel. Lila is more into the mechanical side of engineering so she’s been working her way up from taking things apart and putting them together starting with a microwave, then a cell phone and finally a blowtorch. Baby Nate is just hanging out with me today, I’m trying to teach him japanese to piss off Laura. And Harley over there is trying to reverse engineer the Iron Man suit.”

“Reverse engineer the Iron Man suit?”

“Yeah, he heard some teenage girl at Harvard was close to it so he emailed her and now they’re competing to see who can do it the fastest.”

“..Can I help?”

Tony shrugs. “Ask him.”

Peter does just that. And in under an hour, Tony has five minors in his lab that he’s supervising. Him. _Tony Stark,_ is _supervising_ _minors._

What a day.

* * *

You want to know something?

Bruce has been running so long he doesn’t remember what he’s running from. Yeah, Ross, sure. He knows in the beginning that’s what he was running from, but then there was the Avengers and Ross couldn’t touch him. Then there was the Witch, sure. But honestly, Bruce has just been _running_. No rhyme, no reason, just packing his bags and taking off the moment things get hard.

Maybe Bruce has just been running too long to stop. Maybe it’s just instinct now.

But he’s sick of it! He’s so fucking sick of his own cowardice! He’s tired of running away to any third world country in reach and changing his name.

He wants to go home.

But he knows he’s fucked up. He ran at the wrong time and everything came down on Tony.

And Bruce… understands. Tony isn't the first person to ever have to work with a system they hate. Bruce _knows_ Tony despises Ross, hates him deep for what he did to him and would never work with him. Usually. (Bruce would never tell, but it pisses him off that every internet troll with itchy fingers and a penchant for Twitter thinks he _wouldn’t_ . They’ve based him so two-dimensionally, it gets him turning green at just the mention. He’s a _fucking_ genius, he can see things from different perspectives.)

Bruce also knows the terrible purpose Tony has been burdened with, the weighted responsibility he puts on his shoulders.

Tony became a superhero because he wanted to be _accountable_ for his actions. He fucks up and he wanted people to hold him to being better.

They should have seen it after Loki, how Tony ran himself ragged trying to cover the cost of getting an entire city back on its feet. Should have known after Cap dropped those helicarriers out of the sky and Bruce didn’t see Tony sleep for _weeks,_ too busy trying to save as many people as possible. They should have seen it after Ultron.

Tony would kill himself for others.

Bruce gets it, okay? He fucking _gets_ it, okay? He hates it. Hulk and him hate it because they hate Ross. But they trust Tony and they _know_ him. They know he’s the man to make the sacrifice play. Tony isn’t working with Ross just to work with him, not for profit or anything. Bruce knows something deeper is happening. But you know what? You want to know something?

Bruce really doesn’t care. He’s tired.

He just wants to go home.

* * *

 To: Johnson, W. Coordinator [HR, New York Branch], Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]  
From: DeDeckor, A. Researcher [R&D, New York Branch]  
Subject: Worried.

Anyone seen Boss Man around? The news says he’s dead and I know Ms.Potts says he’s in recovery but I’m worried.

-DeDeckor

\- - - -

To: DeDeckor, A Researcher [R&D, New York Branch], Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]

From: Johnson, W Coordinater [HR, New York Branch]

Subject: He’s fine.

Mr. Stark is fine. Ms.Potts says that he’s already up and running and we’re just shielding him from the public for a bit. He’s been through quite an ordeal and he needs some time.

Sincerely,

Johnson

\- - - -

To: DeDeckor, A Researcher [R&D, New York Branch], Johnson, W Coordinator [HR, New York Branch]

From: Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]

Subject: About the Ex-vengers

That’s great. But when do I get to slap those fucking lowlives with charges? They fucking attacked him like the animals they are and I want them put down. Legally, of course.

-Andy

\- - - -

To: Johnson, W. Coordinator [HR, New York Branch], Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]  
From: DeDeckor, A. Researcher [R&D, New York Branch]  
Subject: Who knows?

Probably never. There’s still a lot of people on Rogers’ side. Doing anything now would bring a lot of negative attention.

-DeDeckor

\- - - -

From: Johnson, W Coordinator [HR, New York Branch]

Subject: It’s going to be a while

She’s right. It’s going to take a while before public opinion moves to our side and then we can make a move. For now we’re focusing on making sure Mr. Stark doesn’t look like the bad guy here. Probably, nothing will be done for a while.

Sincerely,

Johnson

\- - - -

To: DeDeckor, A Researcher [R&D, New York Branch], Johnson, W Coordinator [HR, New York Branch]

From: Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]

Subject: Fucking really?

Then, what the hell can we do?

-Andy

 - - - -

To: Johnson, W. Coordinator [HR, New York Branch], Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]  
From: DeDeckor, A. Researcher [R&D, New York Branch]  
Subject: Idea

Actually, R&D has been tossing around this idea if you guys care to listen? It’s a little out there but the theory guys and our math nerds say there's a high chance of success. And if it happens right we don’t ever have to worry about the Ex-vengers or the media again.

-DeDeckor

\- - - -

To: DeDeckor, A Researcher [R&D, New York Branch], Johnson, W Coordinator [HR, New York Branch]

From: Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]

Subject: Hit me

Lay it on me, I’m ready for fucking anything by now.

-Andy

 - - - -

To: Johnson, W. Coordinator [HR, New York Branch], Hoffman, A Lawyer [Legal, New York Branch]  
From: DeDeckor, A. Researcher [R&D, New York Branch]  
Subject: Idea

Well, R&D have been thinking that we could try…. Taking over.. The world?

-DeDeckor

\- - - -

From: Johnson, W Coordinator [HR, New York Branch]

Subject: Plan?

Intrigued.

Sincerely,

Johnson

* * *

 Darcy is not expecting to be trending on Twitter.

She’s not expecting to be on the news,  she’s not expecting to be the hot new debate all over Tumblr and Youtube and the internet, she wasn’t expecting any of this attention. But that’s fine, she can deal with that.

But what she truly, deeply, cannot deal with is Jane.

Jane has been in what Darcy affectionately calls a slump since the whole thing with the Aether. Thor is gone again, the world has gone to shit, and then there’s Jane.

“I.. I can’t believe you just said that to me.” the hurt in Darcy’s voice is obvious and tremulous.

“Well it’s true, isn’t it?” Jane sneers.

“No. No, it isn’t fucking true! Jane! You, of all people, should know better. Should know _me_ better. What the hell, Janey?”

Jane has deep, dark circles under her eyes and Darcy knows she can’t take anything Jane says in this state seriously. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking _hurt._

“ _You_ are what the hell! You did! I know you did! You probably have a dozen fucking times!”

“Jane, you know I’d never do that to you.” Darcy says lowly, trying to deescalate the situation.

Jane gets like this sometimes. When she’s been working so hard, too hard, and she’s lost days of sleep and gotten nothing out of it. She becomes a whole new person. Paranoid, and insulting, and so vapid and fucking shallow, it’s amazing.

Darcy has been dealing with this for years and it’s not even the first time she’s been accused of this but - 

“I know you fucked Thor! I know you have! Throwing your little fucking whore body all over him, I bet! How many times have you fucked him? How many times have you fucked him _with me in the next room?_ ”

\- sometimes, it gets old.

Sometimes, Darcy looks in on this situation from the outside and absolutely understands that she doesn’t need to deal with this. Sometimes, Darcy peers in and realizes that she has all the credits she needs, she is graduating and getting a degree and she doesn’t need this. Sometimes, Darcy looks in and understands that this is wrong, what Jane says to her is wrong and she _doesn’t have to deal with this_. Sometimes. But even then, Darcy sees this and decides to stick it out. Decides to stay, every time.

But today.

But today, Darcy is trending on Twitter and she is on national news and she has people ripping her apart on the internet and her email is blowing up with requests for interviews, and people have been tagging Tony Stark in all of  her posts and she is just _so much bigger than this._

She is just so much bigger than this petty shit. So much bigger than this situation. So much bigger than any of this shitty, dumb pain.

Today, the Darcy looking in taps her on the shoulder and tells her enough is enough.

Darcy looks at Jane, looks at her disheveled hair and the bags under her eyes and the sneer on her face and takes it all in.

Then,

she packs her bags.

“Call me when you get over yourself, okay?” she says gently as she walks out the door.

Darcy is, and always will be, bigger than any abuse the world can throw at her. She knows what she deserves, she knows who she is and she knows what she absolutely never will be. And she won’t be a punching bag, not even for her best friend.

* * *

 By the time dinner is ready, Lila has taken apart and put back together several more things with varying levels of absolute success. Baby Nate knows how to say ‘Yes’ and  ‘No’ in Japanese and Harley _swears_ he is _this_ close to figuring out the Iron Man suit. Peter backs him up, hair in disarray and eyes wild with the bright fervor of invention and madness. And finally, Tony has the lab dimmed down for a lesson about the universe and time travel and physics, just for a wide-eyed Cooper. And that’s what Laura walks in on.

Tony has a complete display of the cosmos up, a bright nebulae of purple stars, all of space and time is around him in a beautiful holographic display. He is, for once in his life, completely in his element, exuberantly explaining the unexplainable forces of the universe for wide, eager eyes. There is a fire burning in his eyes, a breathless wealth of discovery and _excitement_ that lays just beneath the surface. Even Baby Nate, who’s sat with his siblings in front of Tony, looks completely enraptured and entertained.

“..and that,” Tony says while miniaturizing a massive swirling black hole into the palm of his hands, “is why black holes are absolutely fascinating and why we should totally get lost in them one day!”

“Tony please don’t tell me your convincing my children to go into black holes.” Laura says with just the right edge of fond exasperation. She learns her hip against the lab entrance doors and crosses her arms. “They need a permission slip at least and as their mother, I can tell you it’s definitely not coming from me.”

Tony whirls around, eyes wide and a bit shocked. “I told you!” he accuses, “I have no child safe activities! That’s like, the third safest thing we can do in this lab!”

Laura rolls her eyes. “Well lucky for you, we’re taking this party to the kitchen.”

Tony grabs Baby Nate (it’s like instinct by now, seriously. A couple hours with a kid and Tony can _imitate a parent_. Wild.) and bounces him in his arms while he addresses the horde.

He lifts his chin regally and says grandly, “Minions, we have been accosted to remove ourselves from the immediate area and partake in some remedial substance. Follow me if you wish to live!”

Tony takes them down to the kitchen, talking a mile a minute and managing to squeeze out some laughs out of a surprisingly sever for her age, Lila, and make Cooper smile. Cooper and Peter are walking with a closeness that makes Tony squint and smirk when they’re not looking and Harley is completely absorbed in his Iron Man specs (Tony is lokey worried about the fact he’s not talking to the other minions but he’s not panicking about it yet so) so he doesn’t really notice when they make it to the kitchen until everyone stops next to him. He looks into the kitchen still talking and -

\- stops immediately.

“..is that Pasta Ai Fiori Di Zucca?” he asks quietly. Laura brushes by him casually, approaching the pot of pasta and the plates laid out around it. She takes one in hand and starts scooping out the pasta, very nonchalantly.

“Yeah. Decided I’d speak to your italian roots tonight. How about it, Super Star? Good enough for you?” she smiles.

When Tony looks up his eyes are wet and she doesn’t think she’s imaging it.

“Yeah,” he clears his throat, “Yeah it’s great Laura.”

Cooper sets the table and they eat. It’s a huge table, clearly meant to fit about fourteen people. Laura sets the plates out deliberately so no one sits at the head of the table. Instead, they cluster in the middle, Laura and Tony on opposite sides. Baby Nate and Cooper by her side, Harley and Lila by Tony’s. Peter had awkwardly hovered for a minute before sitting down next to Cooper. (Tony doesn't think he's imagining that red neck blush.)The lights are set to a soft glow and all Tony can think about is the scent of cooked pasta and the gentle sounds of clinking forks and loud conversation.

Harley and Lila are arguing on either sides of him some of the rudimentary forms of mechanical engineering, as in, the best way to make a potato gun. Cooper jumps in every once in a while, every time the fight looks like it’s about to die down with some quip that sets the whole thing ablaze again. But in between that, he’s having a quiet conversation with his mom and occasionally talking baby talk to Nate who keeps shrieking “Hai!” or “Iie!” to everything. Tony talks with Peter, when he isn't distracted by whatever new meme or joke Cooper shows him that has him snorting his food all over the place.

Tony has never felt more at home.

“Hey! I didn’t know we were having dinner?”

“Really Tony you should have told us, I would have ended the board meeting early.”

“Yeah Boss! What, are you done feeding us or something?”

Tony closes his eyes with a small smile.

Correction.

 _Now_ , Tony has never felt more at home.

Afterall, nothing says home like Pepper padding in barefoot, heels dangling by the straps on her fingers, bemoaning the idiots in her company. Rhodey, walking in confidently and stealing a chair next to Harley and immediately getting involved with their argument. Happy, complaining about _everything_ and kicking Tony under the table.

Yeah, home is quite _home_ without them.

* * *

 (Clint is going out of his mind, Clint is going out of his mind, Clint is going out of his _fucking_ mind!Someone attacked the farm. _Ross_ attacked the farm. His kids are dead, his wife is dead, and it’s all Stark’s _fucking fault!_ )

* * *

 After dinner, Pepper asks if he wouldn’t mind talking to her a bit. Tony shrugs, and hands Laura back Baby Nate (who he had taken into his arms naturally and without permission) and follows her to his office.

She motions for them to sit in the chairs in front of his desk so Tony does. He’s never been in this seat and it’s uncomfortable, but it’s what Pepper wants.

She takes a deep breath. “Rhodey and I have been talking and I think we all need therapy.”

Pepper has been going to therapy for three weeks when she brings it up with Tony.

Tony stares at her for a moment before shifting in his chair and rubbing the bridge of his nose. What a mood killer. (But then again, Tony should know better than to ride too high.)

“Pep pep you know how I feel about therapy.”

Pepper smiles, her face no less determined and takes his hand in hers. Honestly, her and this hand grabbing.

“I know,” she says with a smile, “but considering the chaotic amounts of toxic relationships hovering about, the lingering PTSD, and the fact that we've never really learned how to be _people_ , I think this is one of those steps we just have to take.”

(Pepper doesn't talk about her parents for good reason. After all she was raised to be a leader, not a daughter.)

(Rhodey has spent too long learning how to be a machine. How to act on orders alone.)

(Tony’s whole life has been a rebellion. Starting with the first one from Maria Stark when she kept him.)

(No one knows anything about the Happy-Before-Tony.)

Tony is wordless for a moment. He can see how serious Pepper is, how much she wants this, but he can't stop thinking about telling a stranger all of the things he wouldn't even confess to himself.

He grimaces. “Pepper,”

Pepper squeezes his hands. “I think,” she says slowly, “after a long, long time of being everything we never wanted, we owe it to ourselves to have a chance at being something we _do_ want.” She bites her lip, looking torn and uncomfortable.

“I want to be a good friend.”

Tony's breath catches. Pepper _is_ a good friend! She's one of the best friends he's ever had, she's _always_ been there.

“Pep what are you talking about? You're a great friend! My best friend! You're always there when I need yo-”

“But that's not really true, is it Tony?” Pepper interrupts softly. “I've never been the when you really needed _me_ . Not in Afghanistan, not with Obie, not with the Avengers, not whenever it _really_ mattered. I was always taking a break, wasn't I?” Pepper laughs bitterly, tears welling in her eyes.

“Goodness Tony! I broke up with you over your own PTSD! I completely freaked! I didn't even _think_ about how you felt! I - I'm making this about me again, aren't I? Damnit!” Pepper took a deep breath letting the tears spill over unheeded.

“The point is, I'm bad for you Tony.  But I want to be better. We all do. Me, Rhodey, Happy. We all want to be better. We’re a friend group of fuck ups but that’s no excuse for how we treat you. So listen, I've found a therapist, in fact, I've already been going to her. It wasn't- it wasn't originally about the friend thing though, I just -” she just thought she needed someone to talk to, complain to, destress. But then she'd been delivered some hard truths and that had changed. “I think we all deserve a chance to be better, to be _happy_ and this therapist is good! She's discrete, and neutral and very good at her job so - Tony?”

Tony sighs, a reluctant smile pulling at his lips.”Did your therapist teach you about that hand holding too?”

Pepper laughs, eyes twinkling. “Yes she did. But it's my secret weapon, strictly girls only.”

Tony smiles a little wider. “If that’s what you think we need, I’ll try Pep. I can’t promise anything but… I understand wanting to be better.”

Pepper smiles softly, patting his hand. “Oh Tony, the one thing you’ve never understood is that you don’t have to be.”

* * *

 James is awake and he shouldn’t be. James is awake and nobody knows. He doesn’t know what to do. His head isn’t a screaming mass of three different personalities but he has no moves left. No game to play, pawn or otherwise. He doesn’t know how to live, can’t remember how to. All he’s ever done is survive.

The place he’s in is high tech, very blue, very open and circular. He doesn’t have a lot of time, anyone could come in at any second and they’d _know._

_He doesn’t know what to do._

Suddenly, a panel lifts up from a desk across from him, brandishing a silver smartphone. James stares at it and it lowers and lifts again impatiently. He walks closer to it cautiously.

It lowers and lifts again impatiently. He picks it up and it immediately starts ringing. The caller id says “J” only and it rings and rings impatiently.

James picks it up.

“Hello?” his voice sounds rusty.

“Well, it quite took you long enough.” says a posh british voice. “This _is_ Mr.Barnes, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Wonderful,” the voice says dryly. “I’m sure you’re wondering who woke you up.”

He is. “Yes.”

“I did. It was quite an arduous task. But, I woke you for a reason, Mr. Barnes.”

 _A mission._ His mind whispers. _Do you accept your mission?_

“Yes.”

“Would you please do me a favour, Mr. Barnes? If not, you can go back into cryostasis or on the run or whatever you’d like. But if you could do me a very, very important favour, I would quite appreciate it.”

“What is it?”

“There is someone very important to me and I’m afraid I’ve been very remiss in taking care of him and instead, many of those I had come to trust have taken advantage of his kindness. If it wouldn’t trouble you too deeply Mr. Barnes, would you mind taking care of him?”

This was new. A new kind of mission. Take care of someone? Insure their happiness and safety? Do _good_ for once?

James cracks a smile. “It wouldn’t trouble me at all, J.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this has been so late! I got caught up in school! But just so everyone knows, this has no determined update date. I update whenever I find inspiration. But I WILL say, no bullshit, comments, especially long ones, give me a lot of inspiration! They remind me that people are into this story, so comment please!
> 
> Ps. I didn't know it, but apparently I lowkey ship teenage Cooper and Peter. Who knew?


	7. Dispondency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I'm back. Sorry about the long time between updates, go to the end notes for more info about it if you want but basically the moral of the story is, "Sometimes the only thing you can do is 'something'. Even if it's just taking out the trash." ... or write a new chapter for me.

Tony hits and passes the third stage of grief without anyone really noticing. It passes quickly because he doesn’t really know _what_ he’s bargaining for.

He was angry, that’s true, but that’s over with and simmered and now he’s - he thinks maybe he needs to fix it? He thinks maybe he wasn’t _wrong_ but maybe it’s gone too far? Maybe it’s his fault that they didn’t understand?

I mean, they were right, the Accords are bad right now, so maybe it was Tony’s fault for not explaining to them how _good_ he could make it.

Maybe that’s all that happened. Maybe Steve didn’t throw him away, maybe none of them did, maybe they just didn’t understand and maybe he could get them too. Maybe he could get them to understand and then get them pardons and work on all of this _together_ maybe-

Look, Tony is a mechanic. All he can think about are ways to fix it.

But Pepper has done him good with her therapist thing. He hasn’t even gone yet but he’s starting to recognize more things about himself. He does things he’d hate for the people he loves to do. Like spiraling into hypotheticals and maybes and ignoring facts and beating the _shit_ out of yourself for a ‘maybe’.

The facts are: he _did_ try to explain it, he _wasn’t_ wrong and they _did_ throw him away.

He could try to get them pardons but that’s a long hard battle to fight with such a low percent chance of reward. He doesn’t know if he should and at this point it isn’t even about if they deserve forgiveness or whatever. It’s about does _he_ deserve a little fucking time to get better. And he does okay? He fucking does.

So he passes the bargaining stage with little fanfare.

It's the depression that hits all of them hard.

* * *

Rhodes had been waiting and watching in the wings for this moment here. It's been his anxious prediction since the moment Tony cracked open his chest and bared his heart for Harley Kenner. Tony is too soft and vulnerable and open and usually that precludes exactly this.

Tony had been working, working, working so hard and then, just like Rhodes suspected, he just…stops.

He distances himself from the Blackwell family, stops wandering the halls with a smile and instead he spends his time a still ghost at the basement level in his workshop.

 _Now_ is the time for Rhodey to intervene. Today he's out of his wheelchair (he's been spending a lot of time in it in order to rest his legs for this very day here) and confidently on his braces.

Happy stands next to him, swaddled in three haphazardly tossed blankets, carrying junk food and movies. Rhodes has three mugs of _Zia Maria_ hot chocolate balanced between his fingers and gumption in his heart.

“Alright, Friday. Open the doors.”

“Godspeed Colonel Rhodes.”

The doors to Tony's bedroom open.

Rhodes would like to say he found Tony curled up in his covers, warm if miserable, and maybe doing some of the self-care shit Pepper taught him. You know, like watching mindless movies, or doing dumb puzzles with his hands, playing with DUM-E, maybe.

But he isn’t. He’s laying on top of stark sheets, in yesterday’s suit, staring at the ceiling in the dark. Rhodes flicks on the lights and sees the dark circles under his eyes, the pale and warm pallor of his skin, the -the _blankness_ of him is so obvious it hurts.

Well, glad to know Tony’s depression never changes. James’d come home to many dark dorm rooms and had the shit scared out of him by a placidly staring teenage Tony.

Rhodey sighs and shares a commiserating look with Happy. Okay, let’s do this.

Rhodey approaches.

“Hey buddy,” he says cautiously, “How about you spend some time with Happy and I today? We’d really appreciate it.”

(Tony isn’t an angry depressive person, and he isn’t really a placid one either. Tony is a _manic_ depressive person. The wrong thing said could set off the wrong actions out of him. If he thinks you’re worried about him, he pushes himself so hard to make himself seem normal, which only makes it _worse_ . And if he _doesn’t_ think you care about him there’s a 40% chance he’ll self-destruct. So you have to phrase it as if you’re the one who needs his company. You need to make sure he feels valued and appreciated and _not pressured_ . Because sometimes, Tony truly well and does need to be left alone. Other times, Tony doesn't know what he needs. Neither does Rhodey. But Rhodey knows that what he always has to do is _try_. He has to always try. Rhodey has learned this well over the years.)

Tony doesn’t move or acknowledge them. Looks like Rhodes isn’t being acknowledged today. That’s fine, that happens sometimes. Tony has gotten so used to hearing Rhodey’s coaxing voice during his depression that sometimes he just phases it out. It doesn’t matter, that’s what he brought Happy for. Rhodes nods to Happy. His turn.

“Hey boss-man,” Happy winces (a misstep already, to remind Tony that he has responsibilities) “I’ve been really missing our movie nights. How about we have one right here? Just you, me and Rhodes?”

Tony stirs and then groans as he sits up.(Good,he’s still responsive to others need of him.) It still takes him too long to move and it looks like he's trying to move through syrup. It probably feels that way too. But he tries. He sits up and he smiles, eyes dim and unfocused.

“Honey-bear, Happy. What are you doing here?” Tony asks tiredly.

“We missed you Tones,” Happy smiles. “So we decided to come by for a visit. Look, I have Mulan and _Zia Maria_ hot chocolate.”

Tony smiles tiredly.

“Mom’s hot chocolate? That’s great guys, come on in.”

* * *

 James is trekking through the wilds of Africa like the goddamn _schmuck_ he is. He has never sweated so much in his life, but at least he’s discovered something new about himself. _He hates_ _heat._ He’s sweated right through the white t-shirt J reluctantly procured for him and the camo patterned pants he’s wearing are starting to feel heavy. But at least he has them.

(J had almost not let him have it. James had asked him if he had something against a minor felony with a scoff and J had gone silent for a long moment. Then he’d said crisply, “James, I have no particular hang-ups about crime. But from Wakanda? I believe white American males have stolen enough from their resources. So, _yes_ I do have something against this particular ‘minor felony’.”)

J heckles him from the silver smartphone clutched in James’ hands and James has never known a person so combative and sarcastic in his _life_ . God, he thought brits were supposed to be _nice._

James doesn’t even complain, he _swears_ and yet J still finds something to heckle him about. James stops to take a breath. Wakanda is mountainous as _hell._

“Getting tired, are we?”

“J, I swear to God.” James mutters under his breath. He wipes some sweat off of his forehead and tries to ignore him.

“There a problem, Mr. Barnes?”

 _You’re my problem._ James grumbles in his head. Another thing he’s learned about himself. He’s got a bit of a temper.

James blows out a breath and tries to recenter himself enough to finish his trek. He’s got to get to an airport outside of Wakanda if he wants even a chance at meeting J’s precious person. Speaking of which.

“How about you tell me about this fella I’m supposed to protect?”

James starts moving again.

“Him?”

“Yeah, gotta know my charge.”

“Well, to begin with, he’s the most infuriating person I’ve ever meet in all the worst ways.” J says dryly.

James is bewildered. “Why’s that?”

“Because he’s awful in all the ways you’d never want to change.”

* * *

 “- He’s too determined for his own good, too decisive, too self-sacrificing, too guarded, too loving, too open -”

* * *

 “ - He’s hellishly intelligent and quick-witted which is _not_ a good thing, most of the time, because he makes all of these absolutely wonderfully grand plans to change the world and doesn’t care how much of him it takes out of him -”

* * *

 “ - He is so guarded with his heart because he’s sure that someone’s going to reach right in and rip it out of him and I honestly can’t _blame him_ \- “

* * *

 “ - and he loves so deeply, honestly too deeply for what this world is -”

* * *

 “ - but he’s also an irredeemable asshole who always thinks he’s right up until the minute he’s wrong, he’s abrasive and rude and _enormously_ cocky -”

* * *

 “ - with absolutely _no_ sense of how to interact with other people -”

* * *

 “ - he's an idiot James! But you want to know what the worst part about him is, Mr. Barnes?”

James replies on instinct. “Sure, J”

J sighs and it’s so exasperatedly loving that James’ heart aches.

“Despite or maybe _because_ of all this, he’s _my_ idiot.”

* * *

 (Tony, Rhodey and Happy spend the day curled up in Tony’s bed, watching Mulan and drinking _Zia Maria_ hot chocolate. Tony isn’t _cured_. But he’s better for it. It makes the day a little easier to get through. And maybe the next will be the same. They fall asleep.)

* * *

 Darcy thought about moving back into a dorm or onto one of the campus’ hosted apartments. But she has experienced too much to just go back to being a college girl. Instead she moves two states over into a tiny one bedroom apartment, that’s basically a studio apartment if we’re going to be honest. Her neighbors smoke weed on the weekends. And on Monday. And Tuesday and actually everyday if she thinks about it.

But that doesn’t really matter to Darcy. She’s too busy dying from a 9-5 secretary job where she’s got to smile at every asshole who walks in the door thinking they’re the most important thing in the world. Luckily, she’s also won herself a job as a social media manager for a minor celebrity who saw her Tony Stark Rant. She’s getting by without Jane.

She has enough money to sustain her shitty little apartment and enough money to live off of. (But Jane hasn’t called and that- that bothers her. Because it means she meant it. _She meant it._ )

And honestly, Darcy finds herself stuck. She’s at a dead end job, in a dead end place, living a dead end life and this isn’t what she thought was going to happen. She thought she’d change the world. Instead, she just changed addresses.

Sighing, Darcy pulls up her Twitter notifications.

_@IronHeart     just messaged you_

_@HotDarcy_ _Hey D, what do you think of this video?_ _link attached_

Curiously, Darcy clicks the link.

It leads her to some red, neck-bulging Cappie. “Stark is the cause of all this! All the war, the end to the Avengers, hunting down _Captain America_. It’s all his fault! He’s brainwashed all of you! You don’t see what he really is…!”

It's ridiculous. Not even worth her time. But Darcy can feel the tell tale flair of absolute rage crawling up her throat. (Darcy really wishes that she’d stop being so instantly infuriated at this.)

Look, Darcy knows not all Captain America fans are like this. She knows they have valid ideas and valid opinions and that they can sit down and have a conversation about topics like this. She knows. She knows there are problems and opinions on both sides that make sense. _She knows_.

But the few are always so much louder than the mild many. And this is a one way express ticket to pissing her off.

She tweets something she probably shouldn't have. She can freely admit it okay? It’s vicious and spiteful and invited arguments instead of conversations. She’s a poli sci major, she knows what she just wrote. But…

_@HotDarcy_

_If any of you limp dick, coward Cappie fans want to take on someone your own size hit up @HotDarcy for the reaming of your_ life.

 

It feels _so_ good.

(She goes to sleep a little more secure.)

* * *

Tony wakes up the next day, curled up between a braceless Rhodey and a pajama clad Happy. He’s warm and almost… content. He’s still cloudy and slow. He hates that Depression makes him _slow._ He can’t think, so he can’t work, so he can’t get any joy out of it. All he can do is wander around like a ghost in his own house.

Mood sufficiently killed, Tony sighs and shuffles out into the hallway wearing Monday’s suit.

* * *

  _Lila isn’t good with feelings._

Mommy says that that’s okay. That either she’ll grow out of it or she won’t and either’s fine. She knows she doesn’t talk as much as the others do. Lila enjoys silence or the sounds of machinery or laughing’s also nice.

But Lila knows her weaknesses. She knows that she can’t tell anyone how she feels and that she should know how. She knows she should laugh more but she doesn’t know how. She doesn’t remember the last time she cried and that’s not because she’s never felt like crying.

She doesn’t like a lot of things.

Touches, loud noises, colors too bright, a lot of things. She doesn’t like sad people or angry people.

She knows right now Uncle Tony is a “sad person”. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like him! Mommy said that right now was just a hard time for him, that some very mean people did some very not nice things.

It reminds Lila of the girls in her class who liked to pull her pigtails or dig their nails into her arms just to see of she’d cry. (She never does.)

Lila wants to fix it. She likes fixing things. She likes pulling things apart and putting them back together but she also really likes making something broken better. She doesn’t know how to do that with people but for Uncle Tony she wants to try.

Uncle Tony pats her head gently and gives her things to take apart and explains at just the right speed exactly what she needs to do when she doesn’t understand. He doesn’t treat her like she’s dumb but he also doesn’t mind the moments when Lila isn’t too smart. He just.. He gets it. He doesn’t mind that Lila doesn’t like many touches but she _does_ like praise. So he learns how to give her praise the way she’d appreciate. He pats her gently on the head, barely touching her, but she feels warm with pride all the same.

He makes living for Lila just that little bit easier. She wants to do the same.

Lila makes a plan.

* * *

  _Harley isn’t good with feelings._

In fact, he’d go as far as to say he’s terrible at him. He’s never been able to tell other people how he’s feeling and comforting people is frankly, frightening. The last time he’d cried was with Tony and before that he couldn’t remember.

But.

But, Tony is walking around like a spooked ghost. All wide blurry eyed, faint, and slow. He’s not working in the lab anymore so nobody is. Peter is too worried to work, the Blackwell’s don’t know what to do and Harley. Harley just can’t, okay?

They all just watch him, helpless and worried.

Well, Harley’s always been a doer not a watcher. He wants to do something, help Tony, but fear is a crazy powerful thing, especially when it comes to something so easy to fuck up. And Harley has been a fuck up since the day he was born.

No, this situation requires more delicacy than he’s capable of. More maturity, more inventiveness, more… _people skills._

But he doesn’t know where to find that.

Harley is frustratingly, totally stuck.

He stabs into his oatmeal, scowling. He’s alone in the kitchen. He always is. It’s like without Tony they all just sort of break apart.

(Harley realizes that Tony is the common factor. The key between three or four separate groups of people. Happy, Rhodey and Pepper, the Blackwells, Peter, and _him_. Tony connects them. He’s the bridge but right now he’s out of order.)

“Harley.”

Harley jerks. He could have sworn he was alone and the voice wasn’t any he’d ever heard. He looks up and sees Lila, looking just on the wrong side of her regular severe. Ah, he had heard it before, just not frequently.

Harley stares at her. “... Haven’t heard from you recently.”

Lila shrug and jumps up on a stool next to him. “No science, no talking.”

He watches her struggle briefly to lift herself up there but before he can wonder if he should help her she’s already up and looking at him. Harley blinks.

“Ah, what made you break your vow of silence?”

She squints at him.”Uncle Tony.”

Harley stiffens and briefly, he’s angry at her. Furious, actually. His impotent rage rising again. He doesn’t know where his mind goes exactly but it’s somewhere like _How dare she bring this up?_

But then, he looks into her eyes and deliberately relaxes. Lila has the social tact of a thimble but she’s generally kind-hearted. He reminds himself that she wouldn’t bring this up to hurt him. She cares about Tony too.

“What about him?” Still, Harley can’t stop his voice from being somewhat harsh. He regrets it immediately when Lila starts to fumble.

“He, um, he’s -” she blows out a breath and tries again slowly. “He’s sad. I’d like to make him feel better. But I need help. I only know how to fix machines, not people.”

Harley barks out a laugh and lightly taps her on the back. (Two fingers only, he’s hasn’t leveled up to a full palm.) “You and me both, Li.”

Lila furrows her brow in frustration. “Oh, I’d hoped.” she blows out a breath again and clenches and unclenches her fist. “Then what do we do?”

Harley thinks.

He’s been wondering the same thing but - thing is, he’d been thinking about how to do it alone and he hadn’t gotten anywhere and maybe that was the problem. Yeah. Yeah! He’s been thinking about it like he was the whole part needed to help Tony but maybe he’s just part of a greater machine! Maybe if he combines his strength with another…?

Harley has an idea.

“I think,” he says slowly. “We need to combine forces.”

Lila looks at him quizzically.

Harley smiles.

* * *

 Doing anything through the haze of depression is hard, Tony decides. In some ways it’s worse than his anxiety. Sure, his anxiety shows up when he’s overworked and it gives him attacks were briefly he’s absolutely _certain_ he’s dying or at least passing out, but it’s also easier to control for him.

He can identify the symptoms, latch onto the nasty thought process like a bad bit of code and contain it, break it down with logic.

But this? This overarching _lethargy_? It just sends his thoughts in the same tired spirals that he’s too exhausted to get out of.

Also, the depression? Blasts his ass out of nowhere. It’s such a violent mood shift and Tony learns that sometimes it can come from fucking _nothing_. It’s impossible to predict and challenging to contain.

But for Jarvis?

Tony would burn down the world for Jarvis.

His depression doesn’t stand a chance. It’s still _hard_ but for Jarvis he fucking fights. It’s like clawing his brain out of molasses but eventually he gets to a point where he can _think_.

(It’s only at about 42% capacity but it’s _something._ )

Jarvis is dead. Tony knows that okay? He fucking knows that.

But.

He has to try.

He has to at least _try._

(He can’t let Jarvis die without at least trying to save him. He can’t let him die so unloved. He can’t.)

So Tony puts his tired, depressed brain to work. He ignores everything else, everything pressing and difficult to deal with and just focuses on Jarvis.

 

Sometimes, the important thing is just to do _something._

* * *

(Jane wakes up with a pounding headache, a pristince memory, and the breathless feeling like she’s done something unforgivable. She can’t breath through her horror. She’s been in a fog for a week. Darcy is gone.)

* * *

 “So J,” James starts causally. “What are you?”

It's been on his mind a while now. J never gives him more than a one letter name and can only speak to him through the phone. It's suspicious.

“What am I?” J repeats back blankly. He pauses for a moment. “I suppose I don’t know anymore. I used to be something unique, one of a kind. But something happened. I was… _unceremoniously exiled_ , seemingly from existence, by a strong force and I know I am not the same as I once was. So, I do not know Mr. Barnes. I cannot answer your question.”

“Well, are you human, at least?” James asks speculatively.

“I do not know.”

* * *

(Strange looks through the ever filling, void of space and time. He turns his attention to Anthony Stark, his fate and future, and Thanos.

 _Not yet_.

But soon, he soothes himself, somewhat grimly. Soon.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what happened was, finals hit and me and my anxiety did a jive for a while there, and then finals was over and I was so exhausted and post-stressed I fell right into a long three week spell of depression that isn't over but whatever.
> 
> I've decided this story will update probably once a month right now. Maybe more if I get some sudden inspiration. Anyway thanks for reading my story! Look forward to the next chapter!


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